I'm alive… so kill me!

Hey all. I survived the treatment and am left with the aftermath and spoils of war. Mainly…pain.
I am not talking about your average everyday pain that makes it hard to function.
I am talking manly-man, strike when you least expect it, let my make your great grand children feel this kind of pain.
Think I’m joking? Let me dissuade you of that notion.
I had a surgical procedure done because of my repeating UTI and this stupid Nail Patella Syndrome.
Oh yea, Hmmm… I’d better explain. I have discovered that I have a very rare and exotic genetic disease. Yup, disease. Nothing can be done to correct it or alleviate it. You got it or you don’t and there is very little research about it cause it hits like one in a flippin million something. Aren’t I the lucky one? They just treat the symptoms. Among them are lack of fingernails (Finally an explanation for that), bad joints, bad knees, bad eyesight, bad kidneys, and apparently a lot of pain. Like I notice it after this ling time, but that helps with my high tolerance for agony. Hey, been married for close to 17 years and no one has died yet! Yeah for tolerance! LOL But htey tell me in years to come, i am eligible for medicinal mary-jane. Is that good or bad, cause its not much of a consulation prize. snicker
But enough about that. Let’s talk kidneys.
Okay, a few years ago the word was I nearly died because I was misdiagnosed with kidney stones…a lot of them. So many that they couldn’t count them all. Which led to a lot of complications including some hemoraging, a lot of nausea, some dehydration and a lot of other crap.
Enter a last month. I got hit with a UTI and I didn’t notice until I was peeing blood. Not good. Renee Bagby yelled at me and told me to go to the ER right then and not wait until the next day. She was mean and hurt my feelings, sniffle, and screamed that I have a chronic insensitivity to pain. But that didn’t stop the pain in my heart…. Not buying that? Damm. Okay. I noticed the blood thing, kind of hard to miss that, and told Renee about it and and decided taht she was right. I had better not wait until morning. Results, a long time in the ER and a major scropt for antibiotics.OMG, the PAIN! It hurts! It hurts! It hurt enough to make me bring a pillow to bite every time I had to take a piss! WAAAA!!!!! Took my course and all was well. *g* Not!
I went a few weeks and started having pain again. I go back to the ER after a grueling day of court (Fricking Robo Cop the State Trooper gave me a ticket for crossing the white lines on the highway in an attempt to avoid an accident. I mean he had 104 people there! Even the judge was annoyed with him! And did he tell me about the bald tires on the back of my truck after spending a great deal of time staring at them? No! And he was such a dick=weed! Called me a liar to my face when i explained what happened. FUCKING ASSHOLE OF A JERK!!!!! But you can;t call them that. Talk about grin and bear it form the rude jackass! I swear, some state troopers and state troopers because they couldn’t make it as cops cause they failed the Psyche evaluations for Napoleon Complex!), I went back to the ER and spent the whole night there getting all kinds of neat drugs and antibiotics in my IV and all kinds of CT scans and x-rays. UTI was back and heading for my kidneys.
Not cool and very painful.
Another course of Anti’s and then off to the primary who demanded I get a ECG of my heart (I keep forgetting that I have a heart murmur) urologist who insisted (stupid Nail Patela) I get more scans and go thought a surgical procedure, a cystotomy, (yeah, I mis spelled it), and a dilation of my urethra tubing.
In short, he took a hawking huge scope, ran it up my urethra, stratced out all the tubes, journeyed into my bladder to look for stuff, took cultures, and the ventured forth to the kidneys.
They put me to sleep. They had too. I would have passed out or tired to strap them down and do the same to them!
But the RN was a great flabotomist, I never felt the pinches of the IV going in. THe OR crew were great! They were all book readers! I was getting drugged up by my anesthesiologist and discussing Ann Rice and why we hate The Twilight series, and pushing some Changeling and Loose ID books I have out and some older RR and EC stuff too. I think I attempted to hand out buttons before I realized that I was on a table and my rolling bag of fun was home. It was sad, really. And that’s when I noticed the red/brown stains on the ceiling above the table. I found it odd that tere were aleays stains on the ceiling above the operating table and no one knew where they came from. The crew agreed with me and we were all staring up at the ceiling when my urologist came in (he’s so friggin cool its ridiculous), pinched my nose, told me that I was a cutie and started asking the crew where his scope had disappeared to. They couldn’t; find it and they were worried because they didn’t want to use the really big one on me….
And then someone was trying to wake me up.
And then Den was badgering me to wake up. And I was cold and there were crackers being shoved in my face. Really, crackers. But I was so out of it, I tod them that I already had a big cracker, Den! But I caught myself. She was offering graham crackers… Den with a summer tan and this was clearly still winter because I was cold and why was she laughing at me?
And then nothing.
And then Den forcing cranberry juice down my throat so I could gain enough awareness to get dressed.
And then a daze until my awesome urologist popped back in to inform me that this was a condition named something that I can’t remember and that it would return, necessitating another trip to the OR in my future. And because I am a female, no shunt would stay in place to keep my urethra open…like with a man. WAAAA!!!!! Good thing he is so awesome otherwise I would have cried cause the pain meds wore off.
And then there was that torturous trip ti the potty where I made Den hold my hand….
I have a new torture device that not even Torquemada at his most positively devilish most fiendish times could have pulled from teh cesspool of his mind. Urinating after this procedure without any pain meds and passing blood clots.
Tremble in fear all thee who read this. There is nothing like the ray burning lingering pain of this act after this procedure.
ANd then I get some pain meds when Den practically carried me back to my bed.
And then a 45 minuet nap while I waited fro Den to remake I mean, retrieve the car, and my mommy tucking me in….ACK! My bedrooom is a mess too! Mommy saw that! She is going to yell later… sniffle.
And the pain never stops! My abdomen is on fire, I need someone to go potty wiht me to stop me from beating my head against the sink, and I have to drink more water, about a gallon a day, which just makes me have to go more often.
I am still passing blood and clots, and muffled screams of agony. I am barely walking upright can’t lay on my stomach, not even getting into the pitof hell fire that my lower abdomen has become, and this pain will last for days. Sniffle
Okay, so some fun facts… there may be a test later
1) I am now officially a laundry list of medical mysteries! It confuses doctors and makes PA’s run to look up conditions that hey have never head of before
2) Parking garages should not have uncovered roofs when the patients there have sadly dropped weight to the 114 mark and don;t have kite strings tied to their legs. I almost blew off the damn roof!
3) Mom, indeed, is already up on all the latest sexual positioning, In fact, she had her doctor verify some stuff while I was in surgery and they gave her pain killers if she strained the new knee too badly. Whimper.
4) When it is busy and people suck, your RN’s really appreciate a joke or two and some conversation that is lighthearted. That way they won;t drop you or stick your IV in uncomfortable places. *g*
5) I am dizzy and kind of high as I write this.
6) I will not be posting the Hump Day Hump… Instead i will include a laundry list of hot guys and gals who are having a better time than I am.
7)the full poem to cross my heart and hope to die is here…http://www.4degreez.com/poetry/14262/1030850564.html
Darn those middle ages and their way of creating children poetry!
8) this post was way too long! 8g*
Luvs ya all!
Flash…and now Girls and guys on trampolines….well, here are some yummy photos.

Have You Been Flashed
Stephanie Burke


from Stephanie Burke