Got lost in fan girling for a moment! *G* Are you ready for You Hump Day Hump?! This one is an unedited Rated R snippit from my upcoming release, Gray, Pink’s older brother… coming soon from Changeling Press!
“Do it, Uncle Al!” Pink begged prettily, his voice wobbling, as he turned on the canine persuasion, complete with puppy-dog eyes and pouty lips.
“You are too old! I don’t…” Al sighed, looking down at his nephew from his throne, tossed his cell phone tossed aside, and rose to his feet. “Al right, you little imp!” he sighed, “I could never say no to you.”
“Yeah!”
Cali shook her head as she watched her pink haired lover revert to a three year old at a gesture from this white haired short statured god of death and… chickens.
“Do what?” she asked leaning forward. “You are not going to set those things loose, are you?” She eyeballed the muscle bound chickens with something akin to disgust as Pink rose to his feet and clapped at his uncle’s agreement.
He had been petting the feathered freaky things, cooing to them as if it were perfectly normal to have testosterone laden fanged and silver taloned attack poultry chained to ones throne.
“Now! Now! Now!” Pink chanted, clapping his hands and sending colorful shower of lust dust over the evil looking birds. It almost made Cali regret the baked chicken consumed for lunch… almost.
“They had better not start humping the floor,” she grumbled to herself as Alothos stepped off his platform and descended to the carpet like the rest of the mere mortals in the room…okay– like her.
Again, she was taken with how short but genuinely menacing Alothos appeared, epically with the whipping tail. That was a bit of devil lore one would not expect from the Lord of Chickens.
“Only this time, Pink,” the deep bass voice grumbled. “And only because its you.”
Before Cali could ask again, Alothos raised his fisted hand, extended his middle finger towards the heavens, and wiggled it.
All at once, raucous polka music filled the air and a lively tune began to take shape.
“Yeah Unckie Al!” Pink clapped and Cali nearly fainted as the terrifying and terrifyingly short God of Death and Chickens wiggled his tail and proceeded to do the Chicken Dance.
With his hands imitating a chicken’s beak squawking, his arms flapping like the flightless bird, and his bending at the knees, making his rather pert butt and scary tail wobble to the beat of the music, the God of Death and Chickens tossed aside all pride and sense of decorum at a moments notice to make his makeshift nephew smile.
Maybe he wasn’t such a scary guy after all.
“All right!” Pink bellowed just before he ran over to stand beside his uncle, leaving the chickens to ineffectually hump at each other and the stone throne, his long pink skirt twitching as he too began to dance.
Cali, her sexual desire languishing unto death, watched her lover descend to the level of a two year old, pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt another major headache coming on.
But she had to admit, Punk and Uncle Al looked rather cute wiggling and clapping together, doing that stupid inane dance.
Too bad the rest of his family was not like his mother’s side, and she included Al in that group because he was engaged to Chaos.
She sat up in her chair, her head tilting to the side as she recalled that, yes, death was engaged to be married to Chaos.
She groaned as she felt the fates laugh, those capricious bitches! She knew, just knew, that somehow this little visit was going to turn her little ordered world around once again.
All too soon the music stopped and Alothos once again took to his throne, this time with a guest as Pink situated himself neatly in the shorter man’s lap.
“Uncle Al,” he all but purred, stroking his fingers through the man’s long hair, mussing his designer suit. “I missed you so much! And I have so much to tell you. This is my boss/lover/bond-mate Cali. She kicked dad out of her office, and then she kicked Peace out of her office, and pissed off all her daughters, and got cursed to never know love, and got Mom all happy, and made her curse love and Peace and her daughters, and helped me grow closer to actual Sprite-hood, and knows En, and….
“Enough young one,” Al laughed, seeming to follow along the conversation easily enough. “Take time to breath! And it had been a while since I saw you. My how you have grown.”
“Yeah, I’m earning my wings,” he grinned as both men turned to leer at Cali.
“What?” she snapped, not looking to look on either man’s faces.
And they had better pray to God that they were not contemplating a threesome! A man with wings was one thing, but a tail was quite another. And looking at the man she knew just where he would probably stick that damn thing and it looked just to big for that!
“Kicked Love out on his ass, huh?” Al chuckled. “I wish I could have seen that!”
“It was disturbing Uncle Al. He said such rotten things–”
“About you, of course,” Al growled, his purple eyes glowing red for a moment.
“Yes, but Cali stood up to him. And later, we had a conversation.”
“You and Love?”
“Yeah, I defied him,” Pink crowed proudly. “I told him I was not going back to his home and that I was not about to leave Cali. He went away, but he is still lingering around somewhere. He never goes far, but he is not about to go against Mom and touch Cali. She is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”
“Do tell,” Al peered at her, considering her as he urged his nephew to continue.
“Yeah, she fills a void, Uncle Al. And I want to be a better man just by being around her.”
Pink shot Cali a small smile, love fairly glowing in her eyes.
“And she made me a reporter, well a columnist for the lovelorn, actually.”
“Lovelorn…right.”
“Oh,” Pink breathed, patting his uncle on the chest. “Uncle Al….”
Even the chickens seemed to pout at this point, pausing in their humping of inanimate objects to glance sadly at their master, understanding in their beady little black eyes.
“So, give me some advice, kid?” Al suddenly smiled, his yes sparkling as they took in the man in his lap. “And you might want to move. You are not as light as you once were. And what’s with the skirt, charming as it is.”
“Oh,” Pink hopped off his Uncles lap and grinned as he settled the layers of chiffon and lace around his hips. “Cali likes it. She calls it my easy access clothing. Sometimes she calls it the Afternoon Lunch Outfit too, but I am generally the one doing the eating.”
“Pink!” Cali shrieked, her eyes going wide as her face exploded in color. “Some things are private!”
“But Uncle Al is family!”
“Shut up!” She squeaked, covering her face ad ready to die of embarrassment…in front of the God of Death and Chickens.
“She’s shy,” Pink whispered to his uncle, who was nodding in understanding.
“That’s what you get when you start messing with humans, nephew.”
“But she is unique,” Pink smiled. “I love her lots.”
“Well, good then,” Al smiled. “I’ll take her off the list.”
“List?” Cali reeled, dropping her hands from her face before moving around the desk, ignoring the tiny pair of purple thongs that hung around one ankle. “What list?”
“Death list, kid,” Al chuckled. “Someone has it in for you, big time. They requested one of the most heinous deaths I have ever heard of. A very creative little bastard too. So I decided to come on out and handle this personally, kill two birds with one stone, you understand?”
“Understand? Someone wants me dead?” Cali was not amused and quite a bit afraid.
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it, kid,” Al Assured. “I could never take away Pink’s happiness. You are officially off the list until nature says otherwise.”
“Huh?”
“Uncle Al as the authority to prune life garlands. You know, Cali? Cut the life short, snip the threads of fate, kill you when you least expect it! It can be quite amusing.”
“Death is amusing?”
“Well, I took him to work with me a few times,” Al chucked, reaching out to tousle Pink’s long hair. “The Council stared this bring your relative to work day thing, and I took the little scamp along. He can be really good for catching up on paperwork,” Al smirked. “So many people had heart attacks while engaging in acts of bedroom acrobatic hijinks that month. Took care of my back log, that one did.”
“And you think that that’s amusing?” Cali snapped, feeling all sorts of weird bad vibes by imagining hr lover amused by death! It was…unreal!
“Not the death,” Pink explained. “But the fact that Uncle Al can make it so that the dying don’t eve know that they died. Those were the best, when people who lived good wonderful lives passed on in their sleep or doing something that they loved. They never saw death coming so they were never scared or frightened. Most of Uncle Al’s work leaves them with a smile on their faces or with a light heart as their lives pass before their eyes and they realize that it was a good full life.”
“Yeah, those are my specialties,” Al snickered. “But from time to time, I am called upon to take a more…dangerous and not as pleasant approach to death.”
All amusement left his eyes and his whole face seemed to ice over. In seconds his whole demeanor chanted and he was no longer the benign uncle amusing his nephew. Just the look in his eyes changed him into some terrifying monster that could suck the soul out of a person without batting an eyelash.
Then just as quickly though, the smile was back.
“But those are rare and special occasions. My minions are specialized so that they handle the rough stuff unless it is a special case. And someone tired to make you a special case, my dear.”
Cali gulped, then paled as she blindly groped at the desk behind her. When she felt good hard wood, she plopped her ass down and then just stared at Alothos. Someone wanted her dead. This was not good. What had she done anyway? Who would desire her death?
“But never fear,” Al smiled. “Because you mean so much to Pink, you are off the list. No one will be allowed to, you know,” he waggled his hand in front of his face, “Practice obscene things on certain parts of you anatomy…. Or they answer to me!” His eyes flashed bright red for a second, and then they became that cheerful inviting black on purple again.
“I need a drink,” Cali muttered making her way back to her seat and her precious desk drawers, which now held an emergency supply of the Fey understating and coping liquid, otherwise known as Vodka.
“So, what was you other job,” Pink asked, not even fearing for Cali as Uncle Al said she would not die anytime soon and no one ever stepped so much as a toe out of line when Uncle Al laid down his law. “Another death or is it chicken related?”
Pink was now all business, the obligatory familial welcoming sqee out of the way.
“Chickens can be related to death, Pink. Don’t forget the Bird Flu pandemic.”
“Oh,” Pink nodded. “You quite caused a scare with that one.”
“Full fledged pandemics are rare, Pink. And to create one in this day and age…and using my chickens too! It was a boon, I tell you. Got those Conservatives off of their rumps and made them start thinking about some new medical vaccines. So concerned about their expense accounts…” he grumbled, his deep voice trailing off.
“You job, Uncle Al?” Pink asked, not wanting his Uncle to get lost again in human politics. It would take that man forever to stop grumbling about the paperwork.
“Oh. Yeah,” he looked sheepish for a moment then collected himself. “I am here to claim my groom!”
“Great!” Pink absolutely beamed. “Does En know that you are here?”
“No,” Al pouted, slouching a little. “But I tracked his tight little ass here! Its time for him to stop running! He has to take his responsibilities responsibly. Its time we complete the bonding and gives me an heir.”
“Bonding?” Cali paused in taking a huge gulp out of her precious fey understanding bottle and wondering if she had time to run to the bar for a few one-shot shorties.
“Heir?” Pink gaggled, his eyes wide as he stared at Alothos in shock.
“Yes, bonding and heir. Entropy and I have been engaged for centuries. It is time for me to make an honest fae of him. He’s been running wild long enough.”
“Bonding?” Cali repeated, this time a picture of the irrepressible enigmatic…tall High Lord of Chaos leg-shackled to the shorter, yet obviously more dangerous male. She shook her head again. It just didn’t add up!
“Heir?” Pink wailed this time as he raced to the side of the shorter white haired male. “Uncle Al, is there something wrong? Is your name on a list? Are you sick? Are you being…demoted?!”
“Calm down, Pink,” Alothos smiled, reaching out to pull the slightly taller man to his chest, hugging him close to calm him. “There is nothing wrong with me. I just feel that it’s time to start a family. I’ve been alone for so long and Peep and Cluck aren’t the only company I like to keep.”
“Peep and Cluck?” Cali snorted, string at the chickens from hell. Yeah, all things considered Peep and Cluck weren’t too bad of names for mutant poultry. She raised her bottle high, in their honor of course, and took another swig.
“Is that all?” Pink asked, wrapping his arms around the man and squeezing him tight. “I don’t think I could stand it if anything ever happened to you.”
“That is all,” Al smiled, gripping Pink by the shoulders and pushing the Urban Sprite back so that he could get a good look at him. “If there was something wrong, I would tell you. You would be the first to know, kid. You are like a son to me.”
“I’m glad.” Pink sighed, the tight muscles in his face relaxing.
“That is why I am going to need your help.”
“Here we go,” Cali nodded. “So what do you need him for? He can’t lust dust his brother, it won’t work. And if you want advice in catching a run away groom, I think you would be better off consulting an astrophysics professor. They teach whole classes on the theory of chaos.”
“Oh I have the theory,” Al leered. “Now I need to institute the practice.”
“And you need my help how?” Pink asked, tiling his head to the side and observing his uncle.
“I need to find out where he is.”
“I don’t know,” Pink mused. “Maybe Cali– She and Chaos have a wonderful working relationship and get along fine together. They just seem to connect with each other.”
Cali snorted into her bottle, rolling her eyes at the fae and at the fates in general. “Yeah,” she mumbled. “He always seems to hang around, causing trouble and poking his nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“Good,” Al smiled.
“Good?” Both Cali and Pink piped up at the same time.
“Yes,” Al smirked. “That’s all I wanted to know. I’ll just hang around here–”
“What?” Cali slammed the bottle of ninety proof fae understanding on her desk, noting absently that the room was starting to do a wonderful welcoming swirly kind of dance. But that wasn’t important right now. She shook her head and got back to the matter at hand. “Here?”
“Here,” Al continued, ignoring the interruption. “And when he pops back in, I’ll snag him.”
“Yeah!” Pink clapped, obviously delighted to have this favored uncle stop in for a visit, and indefinite visit.
“But–but,” Cali stammered. “But that would take weeks!”
“Months,” Al sighed. “Yeah I know! Months. Maybe even years!”
“Years?” Cali wanted to cry.
“Years,” Al stated. “So we don’t have much time.”
“Time?”
“Stop parroting me,” Al shook his head, rolling his eyes at the oddness of humans. “Do they always do that?” he asked Pink who was viciously nodding his head.
“Sometimes they do it for hours. It takes a bit to find out how to turn them off, but I find a good orgasm usually works.”
“Hmm,” Al mused. “I must keep that in mind. Orgasms you say?”
“Orgasms, and multiples especially. You usually get what you want without a fight if you give them multiples every night. Especially the women.”
“That may make my job easier, kid,” Al nodded, and then turned to smile at Cali.
“Oh no!” she snorted, pushing blindly reaching for her bottle of fae understanding and discovering that there were only dregs left in the bottle. Didn’t she just buy that yesterday? Shrugging, she dove back into the drawer, pushing aside the extra large vibrator of frustration, the clit tickler of devastation, and the vibrating panties of damnation that Pink insisted on giving her, and reached for a brand new bottle of Fae Fortitude, commonly known as whisky. “One of you in my bed is enough!”
“Little Cali,” Al chuckled. “I can’t sleep with a human. Their bodies could never take the passions I unleash. If I lost control with you, there wouldn’t be enough left to sweep up and put in a broiling pan. I never give ‘little deaths’, Cali. I specialize in the big ones.”
Cali gulped at that, gulped again as his eyes began to swirl a beautiful purple, pink, and red. The man had presence that was for sure. And the way he moved– that bulge in his tailored pants… She shook her head vigorously, breaking all eye contact with him, her face flushing. What was she thinking about her lover’s uncle while he was standing in the room! She was such a slut!
“I am such a slut,” Cali’s eyes snapped open as she stared in horror at the two men. Had she actually said that out loud?
“Nah.” Pink giggled. “Just human. I mean, who do you know that can resist a little death?”
Both Cali and Al groaned at that.
“My short stature aside,” he rolled his eyes at his nephew, “I will be staying here until I find my bonded mate.”
“Uh unh,” Cali pouted. There were enough fae in the office as is! And she didn’t have any more closets!
“Uh huh,” Al smiled back.
“No,” Cali muttered, wondering how her bottle of fae fortitude would up half empty. She could have sworn she just opened up that damn thing.
“Yes,” Al smiled again.
“I said no,” Cali snapped, ignoring Pink’s head, which was rapidly shaking form side to side, as if trying to warn her off. “And I’m the boss here. There’s nothing you can do about it.”
Then before her very eyes, Uncle Al seemed to…kind of–grow.
Oh yeah, he was growing broader, longer, taller, thicker. His white hair turned a strange ash gray color and lengthened until it brushed the floor. The cell phone he kept in hand suddenly began to grow too! But it grew long and silver…and kind of sharp with the head of a cycle. Okay, the phone was now a scythe. And Al’s nice suit was growing too, getting darker until it became an all-encompassing black utilitarian cloak of death.
“You dare tell me no?” Al’s voice demanded, for it was Al’s voice, only this time it was deeper and rather multi-tonal. She could feel the bass in that voice though the bottom of her seat and could swear that her widows began to vibrate.
Peep and cluck sat up, eyes boring into hers, once again, becoming the menacing demon poultry from hell that she first saw, saliva dripping from their fanged beaks.
“Uh,” she stammered. “Well, maybe no was too hash a word?” Then in an instant, an eye blink, faster than time itself, the dark visage of Death was gone and once again Uncle Al in his business suite was once again standing before her.
“Great!” Al smiled, showing dimples that she never knew he had. “I just love new employment opportunities.”
“But–” Cali stammered, realizing that she had been, well, had again. He had taken her off of the damn list!
“What are you going to do?” Pink asked, the color flooding back into his cheeks at Cali’s apparent safety. “I do the love column work and–”
“I can’t do that,” Al decided. “I am not good with words or emotions, you know? Its hard for me to get my point across.”
“There’s always crime….”
“Too close to my actual job, if you know what I’m saying,”
“Then how about… fashion.”
“Fashion?” Both Al and Cali squealed. “I’m with her on that one,” Al grumbled, nodding at the dumbfounded look on Cali’s face.
“Okay, then how about fetishes and the steaming underbelly of alternative fetishes in the city?”
“Hmm, fetish,” Al closed his eyes in thought.
“Fetish?” Cali wailed. “Underbelly?”
“I’ll do it!” Alothos decided suddenly. “Yes, there is a whole underground movement that is steadily becoming more mainstream. It will be my job to souse these people out, to go to their sheltered halls and let your readers know if safe sane and consensual really is safe sane and consensual.”
“Yes!” Pink clapped, nodding his head in agreement.
“And it will give me the opportunity to check out all the spots where En likes to hang out.”
“The spanking parlors of South Baltimore,” Pink clapped.
“The leather dens of someplace called Fells Point” he nodded. “I checked it on a map before coming here.”
“The Bondage shops on Read Street, like Chained Desires.”
“The alternative lifestyles information and toy shops in Hampden, like something called Sugar.”
“The bondage dungeon in DC called the Crucible.” Pink clapped at that one. “I really like that place.”
“If that will get you gone quicker,” Cali whimpered, slouching back in her chair. This lunch had not gone exactly as planned.
But then again there was a pink bundle of lace and hair in her lap as Pink spun her chair around, dropped to his knees to lay his head in her lap.
“Thank you, Cali,” his breath hot against the sensitive flesh of her groin. Oh yeah, her secretly donned panties were around her ankle and her lover was inching up her skirt again. Things were looking up.
“Go and–” she stuttered to the very amused God of Death and Chickens. “Go and seem out some underbelly…or something,”
Her hand dropped to pink’s head as her skirt inched its way past her knees. “Yeah, go and find…” Ohh, he was licking her inner thigh! She liked that. “Um, go—souse–”
“Understood,” Al laughed and disappeared with a pop and a merry tingling of bells as Pink lifted her legs back onto the arms of the chair.
“This is where I was before,” Pink breathed, his hot breath on her swollen red labia making her skiver as her clit again took notice. “I was…” he belt low to run his tongue along her slit, greedily sucking in the essence of Calita as his tongue drove her higher into ecstasy. “…having lunch.”